Frankly, rants.

I appreciate that not everyone wants to know about things that make me furious, loquacious or just plain grumpy, and I do understand that there are (occasionally) valid reasons for the status quo. However, one thing I have learned in my life is that such annoyances are far easier to cope with if they have been externalised.  Some people do this by shouting at perfect strangers on public transport.  Whilst the career damaging aspects of this approach have been somewhat diminished by the advent of MP3 players, it's still a risky route to sanity.   I prefer therefore to write them down, wrangle them into a stated existence and move on. Gosh, I'm soooo emotionally well balanced.*  

Things that make me grue, cringe, fulminate, froth or which bring on the red mist will henceforth be noted here.  They are my rants and if you find them offensive, may I suggest you set up your own page and rant about it there. 

1.  The pricing system for greetings cards.  Cutely and winsomely coded as   "II", "MM" "IH" etc. and usually the code itself is printed in invisible ink.  This then has to be referred to a ready reckoner which can only be found behind the till.  I have been known, and I hope you have too, to refuse to pay £5.75 for a generic piece of colour printed card with some sticky fixers on it.  It would be different if the card contained a direct reference to the person or the event, or even some money.  My thinking on this is that the system allows the individual retailer to charge whatever they like for the item, so if we all start a mini protest it might change. Incidentally, I adore sending and receiving cards so it's not as if I have not done a lot of research on this.  This has reminded me that I do have a hotline to a unique, bespoke card provider.

2.  Unique.  It's simply that. Not totally unique, almost unique, truly unique, or even, I wish I had kept the link, uniquely unique.  It either is, or it isn't, unique. That's the whole point of the word. 

3.  Bands that were so much better before they sold out.  Not necessarily. Before they adapted their sound to be commercially viable and shift units, they were rough, unique, maybe inspirational, maybe appallingly bad but charismatic with it, but they were yours. Admittedly once they buy the corporate dollar they may lose their edge, but  it seems to me that what is more important is that the fan base becomes global. and it's no longer the select few who can nod along with the tunes and shout for obscure back catalogue numbers at the gigs. It's just not so much fun anymore.  That's what's missing, not the original vision. 

There is a distinct and very good case against this argument, should you choose to cite U2 and Popmart.

4. Excuse me, please.  Three little words which so many people in Edinburgh, Fife and the Lothians find so very hard to say.  If I am standing behind someone, and they cannot see me, I will always say them politely, in order that I may pass. Cue terrified glance and a mumbled, hasty apology.  It's not necessary.  I realise that you cannot divine my movements, just as surely as I cannot predict your flight plan.  But no, we all have to dance around each other, and God forbid anyone should actually speak out loud in order to progress. This upsets me more than I can say. See me for the unexpurgated version of this one.  Suffice to say that if you say "Excuse me, please," to me, I'll be the one who answers with a big smile and the word "Certainly," instead of the craven "Sorry..".    

* No, I'm not. I encountered at least three things to rant about whilst writing that paragraph, nothing new or ground breaking, just the insistence of Microsoft to impose American English spelling as default, the realisation that I am growing old if I can no longer internalise internalisation issues and the knowledge that this is going nowhere without a pot of tea.